Love berries

We got the yummiest strawberries. Haven't tasted such sweet ones for a while.

What will power?

My thoughts at 8am:
That's it. I'm going to stop snacking incessantly and only eat at certain times, like Sophie.

My thoughts at 9:30am:
Oh, I don't care. I'll just have the marshmallow biscuit.

How will I ever lose weight when I have no self-control whatsoever?

Dress up games

Is it weird that I still have the same hobby that I had when I was seven?

Always loved paper dolls. Used to draw clothes for them all the time. Wanted to become a fashion designer.

Now technology has made it even better with electronic paper dolls.

How addicted I am to stardoll!

I can be anyone and wear anything:

Little White Lie

My university friends are meeting up for dinner tonight to celebrate one of their birthdays and I said I couldn't come because there was no one to look after Sophie. In reality, I just didn't want to go.

Yesterday, J wanted me to come and meet him after work so we could walk around the city (since we haven't done that in ages!) but Aaron (my brother) was busy last night and couldn't baby-sit. He said he could do it today.

Fingers crossed, I don't bump into any of them when I go to the city tonight. Now, that would be awkward.

Real Love

What is love? An age-old question.

I was pondering this in bed last night. Love has to be unconditional right? It envelopes the whole person. Everything, the good and the bad.

You know when you love someone, right?

I know I love Sophie. It comes from within. There is nothing she can ever do to make me not love her.

Do I love J? All of him? I'm worried that I don't know the answer to that. My thoughts tell me that of course I love him. But when I look deep inside myself and ask, "Do I love him right now, when his temper is boiling over and he's saying things that hurt me?" I'm angry, I'm mad, I can't love him at that moment. Then, we're fine again. He takes me into his arms and we giggle like little kids under the covers. I love him again.

Can love stop and start? Is that really true love?

All in its place

When J and I got married and moved into our first home, I decided that I wasn't going to be one of those wives who sorted her husband's clothes. We divided our wardrobe in half and I didn't care what he did with his section. (I was worried that if I started to organise his stuff, I'd always end up doing things for him and I had enough chores as it was.)

Almost two years later, something came over me and I got this immense drive to sort his clothes. This is amazing in itself as I never even have the drive to sort out my own clothes. During Sophie's morning nap, it took 20 minutes to organise all his things - all the T-shirts by colour, all shorts in one place, all jumpers neatly folded together.

I feel quite good now! I don't know what it is about a neat home that make me feel so light. It's like I organised my brain, rather than the things around me. And I didn't do it for him, I did it for myself.

7 1/2 month old schedule

Mine:

7am - bottle (150-200mL)
8pm - breakfast (cereal + fruit) and water
9am - nap
11:30 - lunch (vegetables) and bottle (100-150mL)
1pm - nap
3pm - bottle (150-200mL)
4pm - possible nap if previous naps were short)
5pm - dinner (cereal + vegetables) and water
6:00 - bath
6:30pm - bottle (150-200mL)
7pm - sleep (hopefully till at least 6:30am)

What's yours?

A Looooooonnnnnnggggggg book

Anna Karenina is really dragging on. Amy already finished it. Why can I not be bothered to read it? I'm already past halfway.

Forgiveness by laughter

Can't stay mad with J when he makes me laugh. I wasn't going to let him but he knows exactly how to tickle my insides without saying a word.

Amy Amy

Amy cheered me up today. I've known her for 10 years. We've had our ups and downs but she's still the one I can be serious with, be silly, just be myself. She's one the few people I know I will be friends with for life.

Not perfect

Want to write stuff but can't. Paranoid about being discovered.

Angry, upset and disappointed with J. Didn't expect him to say things he said. Didn't expect him to do things he did. Very hurt. I shouldn't take those things to heart but where is his respect? I don't want to be one of those women who don't mind being put down. I deserve better treatment.

He's calling me again. I'm not picking up. Again.

I didn't make him his soup that I always make him. I was going to but thought why should I behave as if everything was fine when it's wasn't? Just gives him reason to continue to talk to me the way he does.

I'm deceiving myself into believing I have the perfect marriage. Does anyone? What should be the limit of bad stuff?

I remember J once said, "I don't want us to be a perfect couple. That's too much pressure". I'm not asking for perfect.

Not another Monday

Amy is coming over again tomorrow! Really looking forward to it. Staying home with a baby can get really lonely.

Expanding heart

Is it possible to love a baby that much?

I'm overfilled with love every time I think of Sophie. I wonder if my Mum loves me that much.