Incapable of Happiness

Why am I unhappy when I have everything I've always wanted?

I think my fear of being incapable of staying happy is true.

Life Mathematics

Problem:
Haven't slept properly in weeks. Feeling exhausted. And stressed. I can't cope and feel like I'm about to snap and/or collapse.

Causes of the problem:
1. husband
2. child care situation

Solutions to the problem:
1. husband changes
2. child gets a spot in a child care centre ASAP

Chance of solving the problem: 0

Therefore, problem will persist.

Child Pull

How is it possible to want to be with my child, yet want my freedom and independence?

Sophie's strong personality has the power to drive both of her parents (i.e. us) insane. She leaves us exhausted with her constant demands for attention, her frustrated whining and unfillable wants. We are more than happy to hand her over to either set of her grandparents who only see her as a perfect child and us as over-exaggerating parents.

Yet, why is every time she's not with us, we can't stop talking about her? I can't stop thinking of her cheeky smile and loving eyes and all the affection she pours on us with her toddler hugs and kisses?

I am stuck in between these conflicting feelings pulling me into opposite directions. I miss the calm.

Lack of confidence or biased opinion?

"You are more than just what you do. I know you are cabable of a lot more" - J re: my job

I wish he was right and I was capable of more but I just don't think I am.