Best Nourishment

Let's talk about breastfeeding.

It's not my favourite topic but unexpectedly, it was the most difficult part of caring for a newborn.

Something that was supposed to be so natural brought me to tears and could've easily spiralled me into depression.

I always knew that I would breastfeed my baby. My Mum did it. All I've heard during my pregnancy was how breastmilk was best for the baby and nothing could replace it.

At the hospital, the midwives told me what a good job I was doing and that my baby latched on perfectly. However, within a week my nipples were cracked and bleeding. The pain was unbearable. I dreaded every feeding (especially that my baby seemed hungry every 2 hours). It felt like my beautiful baby girl had teeth and was a wild animal tearing at my nipples. That is, once I got through her screams and shaking to latch on.

Nevertheless, I persisted. Within two weeks I got an infection and beginning stages of mastitis. I was told to stop breastfeeding until my nipples healed.

I got a breast pump and felt relieved that even though I couldn't breastfeed, I could still give her my milk in a bottle. This fantasy was short-lived as I wasn't pumping enough to satisfy her. First, I started to alternate between formula and my milk but after a month, it took all day just to express enough milk for one feeding.

I wanted to quit so badly but the guilt overwhelmed me. I shed many tears feeling completely hopeless that I couldn't provide my girl with what was best for her. I even started to wean but then my nipples started healing and I thought I'd give breastfeeding another go. Amazingly, Sophie seemed to be more gentle and did not scream when I tried to put her on.

Although I don't have enough milk now, I still feed her from breast first before giving her formula.

I don't know how long I can do this as I can't just stop now for the deep feelings of guilt I would feel if she got sick and didn't have the assistance of my breast milk to get better.

The only thing that lifts my feelings of guilt and sadness is seeing her thrive (even though she gets most of her nourishment from formula).

I also strongly believe that the fact that I'm more calm now makes her more content as well.

As I've read in a baby book, breastmilk is important but not as important as a mother's love. And that I can give easily.

Baby on Schedule

Why is baby advice so contradictory and changes every few years? As if parenthood wasn't confusing enough.

These days professionals advise to follow baby cues for feeding times, change diaper times and everything else times as baby knows what it needs.

In my pregnant days, this seemed to make perfect sense - follow nature and everything will be ok.

Now with a newborn baby, continued lack of sleep and frustration at wondering why is the baby crying now, I desperately searched for more information.

And I found it. First I discovered I'm a Mom that Sleeps. She informed me that apparently a baby can sleep through the night at 3 weeks! Although that sounded amazing, I was not convinced that was a good thing for the baby. And I doubted that it could apply to all babies. However, it got me interested in schedules. The idea that if I put my baby into a routine, she would sleep through the night sooner was too good not to try.

I managed to struggle through a couple of days trying to stretch her feeding times from 2 to 4 hours. She now eats approximately every 4 hours.

Advice for baby gave more specific schedule advice and I'm trying to follow.

Sophie slept for 2 nights in a row (waking up only for her pacifer) when she was 6 weeks. This week she started waking up for food in the middle of the night again. Giving her a pacifer only stretches her till 4am (the latest) which gets us off schedule completely.

The feeding schedule I'm trying to follow is 6am, 10am, 2pm, 6pm and 10pm (getting her to skip the 2am feeding).

I think that if she wakes up at 2am again, I will just feed her, instead of trying to stretch her. I will only try to stretch her if she wakes after 4am.

Maybe that way I'll at least get some sleep in the early morning.

I also have a problem of giving her a bath before the last 10pm feeding as she never wants to wake up at that time and is happy with only a little bit of food. I wanted to use bath time as part of getting ready for bed routine. Doesn't seem to be working (even though J and I gave her a bath before bed every day since we brought her home).

I have tried to incorporate some ideas from another schedule which advises to keep the baby awake for 1.5 hours from the start of feeding but Sophie is ready for a nap after 50 minutes. Then she wakes up an hour before feeding in a very fussy mood. Not sure how to solve this problem yet.

Even though I still have a few things to smooth out with our routine, I'm convinced that having a schedule is the best thing for the baby and for me. Happy mother = happy baby.

Time Wasting

Arguments are a waste of time. I know J and I are going to make up. We could be enjoying this time together, yet we still argue.

Unexpected

I'm married. I feel lonely.

New Life

I had a perfectly healthy baby girl 2 days after my due date.

Labour took 3 hours. In total. I'm convinced drinking raspberry leaf tea daily for 4 weeks had something to do with it.

J said that when Sophie emerged and opened her eyes he never saw anybody look more shocked.

First few days were crazy - I was an emotional wreck, everything made me cry. I had feeding problems that I thought would never end. I got sick. I thought I would never get through it.

I'm happy to report that 7 weeks later, things are looking much better and coping has become a lot easier.