Wanted: Baby

Fourth month trying. I'm certain I'm not pregnant. I don't know why it hasn't happened yet. It didn't take long with Sophie.

Should've started trying earlier.

Some things in life you just can't plan, no matter how much you try.

I just hope it will happen soon. I'm sick of overanalysing every "symptom". Don't want to think about it anymore, just want to give Sophie a brother or a sister.

Very worried about her being an only child.

Vicarious living

Amy's got a boyfriend! I'm almost as excited as when J became my boyfriend (more than 5 years ago). He sounds really great and I can't wait to meet him!

J and I might be going out with them this Friday. I still haven't asked my grandma if she's ok looking after Sophie. I feel guilty for asking because she'll be looking after her till 6:30pm this Wednesday as Amy and I are going to a musical.

I've been feeling very blah today. Craving for something exciting. I still have to cook...

Warm and fuzzy

So proud of Sophie. She was a little angel today when we went to J's parents. On the way back, I looked at the backseat of our car and she gave me the biggest smile. It filled up my whole body with glowing warmth. Then J put his hand on my lap and all I could think of was how lucky I was to have this family.

Child Pull

How is it possible to want to be with my child, yet want my freedom and independence?

Sophie's strong personality has the power to drive both of her parents (i.e. us) insane. She leaves us exhausted with her constant demands for attention, her frustrated whining and unfillable wants. We are more than happy to hand her over to either set of her grandparents who only see her as a perfect child and us as over-exaggerating parents.

Yet, why is every time she's not with us, we can't stop talking about her? I can't stop thinking of her cheeky smile and loving eyes and all the affection she pours on us with her toddler hugs and kisses?

I am stuck in between these conflicting feelings pulling me into opposite directions. I miss the calm.

Beautiful baby

Every mother thinks their child is the most beautiful (except maybe my own) so when others say how "beautiful", "gorgeous" and (my favourite) "stunning" Sophie is, I can't help but feel proud when obviously I had nothing to do with her looks.

Body after Pregnancy

I read an article on the net about false hopes of women who give birth being able to bounce back into their pre-pregnancy bodies.

People think I have "bounced back" to my original size. What they don't realise is that my stomach and breasts are not what they used to be. I never had a flat board abs but the skin was quite tight and once I lost weight, the stomach didn't hang. Now, I'm back to my small size, yet the tummy has a roll of jelly that plops around depending which way I lie down.

My breasts never satisfied me but I really should've appreciated them more because after giving birth, they are not only big but soft and roll to the sides when I lie down. Wearing strapless dresses was difficult enough before becoming a mother but possible. Now, I can forget it. The boobs are way too low without a bra and no strapless bra will ever provide enough support.

However, please don't get discouraged, it is possible to look the way you did with a good bra and get your stomach small enough to look flat under clothes (without much exercise if you were not big to begin with). I think it is possible to get the stomach flat completely because I have noticed mine getting better.

The boobs can't be changed unfortunately (without surgery) but there's nothing a good bra can't fix. And honestly, they don't even look that bad without one. Don't think of those tribal women who have sausages hanging to their bellies. Just a couple of centimetres lower than before pregnancy.

The most important thing for me was that J says he finds me even more attractive now than ever. Every time I mention getting a boob job, he quickly says, "NO! I love them. You're perfect." With J's confidence in me, I feel sexier than ever. So get yourself a supportive partner before making babies and your body will be just the way you want it (and let's not forget you get a beautiful precious baby as a bonus).

Tired

Feel so tired. Should go and have a nap while Sophie is finally sleeping. Have a feeling she'll wake up as soon as I lie down.

Sick

Damn this cold. Can't even go to mothers' group today cos it wouldn't be fair to the other babies (and mothers). That's something I look forward to on Tuesdays. Also, library session for little ones is on today and won't go to that either.

Feel so tired but it makes no difference to the baby. Maybe I should have a little nap now. Don't really want to sleep though.

7 1/2 month old schedule

Mine:

7am - bottle (150-200mL)
8pm - breakfast (cereal + fruit) and water
9am - nap
11:30 - lunch (vegetables) and bottle (100-150mL)
1pm - nap
3pm - bottle (150-200mL)
4pm - possible nap if previous naps were short)
5pm - dinner (cereal + vegetables) and water
6:00 - bath
6:30pm - bottle (150-200mL)
7pm - sleep (hopefully till at least 6:30am)

What's yours?

Not another Monday

Amy is coming over again tomorrow! Really looking forward to it. Staying home with a baby can get really lonely.

Expanding heart

Is it possible to love a baby that much?

I'm overfilled with love every time I think of Sophie. I wonder if my Mum loves me that much.

Most Exhausting Job

Don't remember ever being so tired when I used to go to work.

A mother's social life

Mothers group is on later today. Can't wait!!!

It's amazing how one small choice can change your life. I remember how unsure I was about going the first time. How glad I am that I made the decision to go. This weekly event is now the highlight of my week.

Extra Hour of Sleep for Mummy

Good morning!

We are totally off our usual schedule today. Sophie woke up at 5 and then decided to go back to sleep from 7 to 8. That was fine by me! Maybe she can go to sleep a bit later and wake up at 8 all the time. Now, that would make a huge difference to my energy levels in the morning and throughout the day.

Why am I blogging so much lately? I don't know.

The Good Things About Staying Home With the Baby

Last year, I couldn't wait to go on maternity leave and have a break from the mutiny of work.

A year later, I'm thinking how nice it would be to go to work and do adult stuff. To not have to hear a baby cry every few hours, to not change nappies, not to make baby food, to not come up with ways to entertain the baby.

So today I'm trying to think of the positives. Here they are:

1. Being able to take a nap while the baby is sleeping during the day
2. Be in pyjamas all morning
3. Have breaks to go on the internet or to read or watch TV
4. Do chores like laundry and cleaning during the day and have the weekend free for other stuff
5. Know that your little one's life completely depends on you and nothing will make her happier than being in your arms

Nap time

In the afternoon, I put Sophie for a nap and decided to have one too.

10 minutes later...
Rrring rrring... rrring rrring...

"Hello?"
"Hey, I'm taking a break from studying. What are you doing?" - brother

10 minutes after hanging up...
Rrring rrring... rrring rrring...

"Hello?"
"Hi Maya! How are you, darling?" - grandma

15 minutes after hanging up
Rrring rrring... rrring rrring...

"Hello?"
"Hello, how's everything? How's Sophie?" - mum

20 minutes after hanging up...
Rrring rrring... rrring rrring...

"Hello?"
"Hey babe, how are you going? Have you had a nap yet?" - husband

15 minutes after hanging up...

"Ahhhhhhhh!" - Sophie

All cried out

I just let Sophie cry for 15 minutes. I didn't think she'd stop but she did and now she's asleep. I feel like such a horrible mother. Maybe I should've rocked her for those 15 minutes till she could relax enough to fall asleep. I did that last time.

Usually her cry makes me so upset that I just run to her but today I was so tired and annoyed and irritated that I was willing to try the cry-it-out theory. I have to say that I am really amazed that it only lasted 15 minutes. If I didn't look at the clock I thought it was going on for an hour.

The worst thing about letting your baby cry is wondering if she is crying for a reason like she needs something or out of frustration that she's too tired and can't sleep.

I wish I could go for a nap too but her dinner is on the stove so have to wait till that finishes cooking.

Night Wake-ups

Why won't she sleep?! Why????????

So tired

Every morning when I hear Sophie calling for me, I promise myself that I will have a nap when she does. When the time comes for her nap, what do I do but go on the computer. That doesn't feel as much of a waste of time as sleeping.

After the first 6 months

When will the night waking end???